The white, the black..
the life i lacked.
The memories i hate
If i went back, what would I change?
..or leave the same..
All the things i did
that caused others pain.
Im sorry, and tears cant express it.
i know what i’ve done
bars me from heaven.
I couldnt enter, and face the lives i’ve ended.
“go to hell” is what they said.
I hope it happens..
because im sorry, so sorry..i apologized and i meant it.
…me and angels, we’re antonyms. the bullet in my eyes..and I..are synonyms.
and the trigger happy cop who shot it is like me.
i see me in him.
He revels in killing.He was legally obliged.
I rebelled against the living. Let me be burned alive.
…. wait„wait„whispers? what is the whisper for??
PRAYERS?? dont you dare pray for a murderer!
dont you dare…pray for me..
No..you cant, let me enjoy the hell i deserve.
i’ve sent people to paradise, just let me burn..
“I pray his soul learns, please give ‘em a chance Lord.he was forced by the Devil, to kill my father”
NO!NO!NO..i wasnt. God! dont you listen! dont let me into heaven!
Dont you dare!
“Lord, hear my prayer. this man is a murderer, and i still shed tears. Not for my husband, he died knowing we loved him, but his killers going to burn in hell,because he was born Hell’s servant..i know my husband watches us, but this man’s soul is hurting. dont leave him, oh Lord help him”
no.no.no.no..why is my chest burning?
why am i crying..
for the family i torment?
how can they pray for a man who’d hurt them?
No, i wont have it. its..to much..
i never had a family, i will NOT accept a strangers love.
i attacked this man,put a bullet in his temple.
smiled the whole time. and shot til i’d reload.
he told me he had a family
told him..i’d kill them to..
you see? this is the guy i am. To suffer is MY RIGHT!
“Dear Father, let me extend my hand to the man..who stole MY life.”
no..not you, too..
“He was a pawn, a victim.he was blind, father, you saved me. Lets save him too.
His soul struggles against the chains of his flesh, and yet, his soul cries for a life time of regrets.”
“So i ask again, Please save him Father!! he cant talk, the devil owns his tongue..
but this man is a child..onlyy 16 years young. He doesnt belong here lord.not with us.
not in heaven,with me or you.let him reform.
add him to the 57 percent who do.”
“Do you hear him lord? He is fighting, that is truth!”
“Save this child father, or his soul is doomed!!”
i dont want hell
“And he’s to young for heaven”
“Oh God, please help him!”
“Dear lord, my husband would want you to save him.”
“thank you, tell my dad,about the killer, i dont hate him”
Dear…God..tell them im sorry…Amen.
she screams so hard, as she looks out the window
lifes so hard.. for the mother.
the widow. her children
so little.their eyes.
so wide.so blue.
and she knows their pain is true.
but her emotions,so red..
flaring up when shes reminded shes dead..
smashing a window..
but its instantly reverted.
her feet off the ground as if
gravitys been inverted.
and when she gets in her husbands face
his eyes are averted..
as if he cant look at the woman
infront of him hurting.
she smacks him.
but her hands flow through.
just the gentle touch of love
and suddenly he falls to his knees.
his yells echos her screams.
every night,she enters his dreams…
and they become nightmares.
and she cant say shes right here.
and he screams its not fair..
he would gladly take her place as dead.
shouting “I DONT CARE!!”
and she slaps him again..
but this time.. his face turns with it.
and he looks her in the eyes..
then he rubs his eyes..
and she is gone with the wind..
but the sound of the breeze whispers
softly to him.
and as the sound drifts to his ears
and enters in.
the sound of his wife gently says
emotions of a vortex pouring through my mind
i..take a shot of clorex..hoping its all right..but..
i know it isnt.i know whats killing..me.
we.were…but now your sure…this hurts…and whats worse..
is that i entered the battle at such a late fray..
and started off the villain..whos tryna change his ways.
and when your hero went dark i shown thru the light.
bloodsuckers, but fuck lovers, who dont love their life..
he threw you away..and i shed my evil.
i downplayed my darkness..i diminished my ego..
i took a chance..a shot.and reload..
but in the meantime..he got what he wanted and came back..
like a team goal..
i know i care..but being the hero isnt right..
im such a better villain..and i deserve that life..
my past still haunts me.my future just taunts me
i try to do right..but i do it all wrongly…
and theirs gonna be a time..when he hurts you again.
and your gonna look to me as your friend..
and im gonna be there..you know i’l be there..
but i may be the villain.. with a heart nowhere…
to be found.no voice to make a sound.the embodiment of darkness.
a wolf.blood hound..
i took you near the top n you climbed down..so now im jumping off
and you cant face me or turn around..
you love him.he loves you.your a couple.that means 2.
but im here.whats that equate to??
im hating..equation.variables.and erasing..
someone has to get hurt.and someone has to win.
someone has to save you,so there needsa be the villain.
lets just play our roles..i promise i wont try anymore..
take care Elena..
The Other Me
i cant brake,
i cant take not knowing if
the me i see in the mirror
is real or fake..
his eyes..they bleed,
Blood runs down his cheek.
i touch my face..
and its just tears in place..
i cry ive changed.
someone replies “You Aint”
i look up. i throw up.
i see me filled with so much disgust
and he holds my heart covered in blood
and we discuss my loves..
my past..my fate..
how it feels for people to tell me
they hate me..
to know i deserved the isolation
im known to recieve…
he says the new me is false. here
to decieve the new friends who’d be enemies
if they knew me..
my reflection knew me..
hes my enemy..hes my ally..
he can be the end of me..
he can find the strength in me..
but its frightening..
i have to accept that i havent changed .
that Carter Marshall exists inside Rayne..
that young Shy died awhile ago,
and he died in pain…
that i have no name..
that im not who i thought i am..that
i have to give up everything that makes me smile
because im not really me..i havent been
alive for a while..
so i’ll have to walk the miles on a
broken glass road.
each glass step distorting my image
so i wont know what i look like
until i reach home..
and no longer roam the recess of my mind..
and insist i find what never truly lied inside..
my reflection smiles softly..
saying job well done,
but the horns on his head make me wonder
what inside of me has changed..
and what ive become..
and who’s fighting for control..
and who has finally won..
and if I had ever accomplished anything..
and whether im falling victim..
to my self absorbed loathing addiction..
I loved hard..
when i loved her..
she said she didnt love me to her lover..
he killed her…i chased him..
only to find the women i promised my heart to
was a demon…
and the one who killed her..
killed me next..
a year later, we’re best friends,
taking shots of clorex…
sitting in a vortex, as friends died,
loves cried..enemies tried..
and succeeded in ruining our lives..
and i fell in love..and told her i’d protect her..
i couldnt be killed, so i’d forever be her protector..
but when she was murdered, in cold blood,
something in me snapped, i would
kill everyone involved. anyone at all,
that voice in my head,
“kill em dead”
“become the monster beneath your bed”
“inflict upon them your dread, instead of drowning in the sorrow and anguish of your regret”
and so i became their Death…
i killed them all..
i watched them fall..
i shoved the blade within my own self just incase
they’d call…or thought i was responsible.
but the constant death was impossible for me to live with.
so everytime i blacked out, my darkness
made the light back out..
and as i slip into the abyss, i think,
i had a chance to live.. but its where i belong..
so to my child, who really isnt my son..
i beg you, please.. dont hate me..
dont lose yourself to the hatred,
youl hate it.
you wont take it, it’ll take you
and try to make you into the monsters youve fought through,
and everything you fought for is ineviteably lost in revenge,
and in the end, you become the monster you
set out to end, and when you realize that
is when its to late to send out a wake up call to yourself…
so..please..Jeremy..its not the monsters that howl…
or the Devil himself, its the guy in the mirror,
who lies to himself, who lies he wont need help,
who sleeps with weapons in his belt,
who makes his own hell…
and when he realizes it himself..
its to late to cry for help…
so cry, you cant fight it all, and…
if you remember me now..
remember your teacher,not the hunter..
He liked her…
he was a kid..
saying love would make
him a liar..
but…he liked her..
she was a model..
actress in her future..
seen eachother around for forever..
he thought he knew her..
he kept setting up chances to meet..
his friends had his back..
calm yet awkward first greet..
but her smile gave him a heart attack..
they had to work on an assignment..
it was a group but they took charge..
he asked her to stay after..
his courage was working hard..
at first it wasnt going right..
but he managed to recover,
she gave a last minute incentive for
him to realize he wants her..
he set into motion a plan
to win her knowing
she was a celebrity..
her photo all over..
everyone wants her..
one wrong move and its all over..
but he fought for her..
and after years,or months at best..
pains and fears were put to rest..
they got together..and everything
but she was an actress,
she is what everyone is saying
deserves a better man,
and hes trying to understand…
but shes not mature enought to grasp
the situation..or grasp his hand..
his struggle is futile..
meanwhile..temptations all around..
he slips and falls but never hits the ground..
he keeps working for the vision.
his friends say hes wasting time
he never listens..
she never listens..
but hes not talking
he’s thinking…that guy
from that one time..still showing
up tryna end their life..
he’l give her up so she can have a future
but not for a creep..he
never knew her..
hel try to use her..
so he fights him..and wins..
with a busted wound in his heart..
and their love gone dark..
blood from his skull
leaking into snow..
hes fallen comatose..
and the world hes in is fake…
and he knows..
but realities so cold..
and he cant wake up..he wont..
in his dreams..his hands are
hers to hold..
for sure..in reality..
he can do little more then hope..
so he lies there..
bleeding in the snow..